Life After Loss

Why I’m Giving Myself Grace in my Fitness Journey

It’s been over 5 months and I’m still up 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight, and 20 pounds up from my wedding weight.  (Holla for gaining a whopping 10 pounds on our honeymoon!)  I always thought I would be the one that was back to her pre-baby body no more than 3 months postpartum.  In all honesty, I used to judge women who “let themselves go” after having a baby.  Didn’t they care about their health?  My experiences over the past few months have given me a new understanding of life, and my ability to judge so freely is now almost nonexistent.  My experience has shown me what motherhood truly is.  I think the root is that we all desire to do right by our children, and we can do that in a huge variety of ways.  What works best for one, might not work for another, and that’s okay.

What I’ve learned is that the number on the scale has no bearing on who I am or what I have gone through.  If my weight reflected any of the heaviness I’ve dealt with in the past 6 months, I would surely weigh a million pounds.  The number on the scale also doesn’t have much bearing on my health.  I understand that being overweight can lead to a myriad of health problems, but that comes with being overweight over a longer period of time than just a few months.  The healthy habits I had pre-pregnancy and during my pregnancy are still there, just with a couple extra pounds added into the mix.  And those couple extra pounds are not forever.

I still cook at home most nights.  We eat nutritious foods.  I work out (some).  Probably 4 days each week, on average.  I thought I would be back to my 6 days per week routine by now, but the truth is, I need my “couch time” more than I ever have before.  “Couch time” doesn’t mean I’m completely inactive – I might still go on a short walk, or do some yard work or house work.  It just means I’m not in the gym.  Sometimes, the thought of getting up and going to the gym after a mentally exhausting day at work and cooking dinner sounds impossible, so I don’t.

My pre-baby and pregnant self loved lifting weights, and cardio seemed like a complete inconvenience.  I still love lifting weights, and understand that it will be key to lowering my body fat percentage and getting back to the place that I was before I got pregnant.  I also see the value in taking a long walk outside.  There is healing being out in nature, and I won’t deny myself that healing because I “should be in the gym.”  Especially when we are in the 3 month window where it is actually nice in Minnesota.

Don’t worry, I’m still goal-oriented.  You can bet that I’ll be back to my wedding size before we have any future children, but I’m giving myself time to get there.  My current goal is 4 days of weights, 1 walk, and 2 “couch days” per week.  Yup, couch days are a part of my fitness goal, because mental health and physical health are intrinsically linked, and my mental health is more important than ever.

4 thoughts on “Why I’m Giving Myself Grace in my Fitness Journey

  1. Rebecca, I absolutely love your message, and I completely agree. Our mental health is critical to our overall well-being, and understanding that you need to maintain strength mentally is of the utmost importance. Yes, we are much more than a number on the scale, much, much more. Enjoy your couch days and reflective walks as you try to lighten the emotional load that you carry with you every day. If you have the opportunity to find a Eucharistic Adoration chapel, it’s an amazing place of healing. Here’s a little snippet from today’s gospel in case you missed it……..”Come to me, all you who labor and are overburdened, and I will give you rest. Shoulder my yoke and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. Yes, my yoke is easy and my burden light.” — Matthew 11:28-30

    Love you,
    Auntie Barb

    1. Matthew 11: 25-30 was the gospel reading from Brady’s funeral. I knew it sounded familiar when I read it! Thank you for your support always, sweet auntie!

  2. Thank you so much for this. I found your blog through Instagram and as someone healing from a recent miscarriage I needed to read this. I am also struggling to get back to my pre pregnancy weight and beating myself up for it. Just wanted to thank you for sharing your journey and your thoughts, helps to not feel so alone.

    1. Hi Daniela – I am so sorry for your loss. I am glad that this post helped you feel less alone and I hope you won’t beat yourself up so much <3 We are our toughest critics - losing weight is hard normally, and we should give ourselves extra grace when going through emotional trauma like we've experienced.

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