It’s been a little while since I published a post on here, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had plenty of thoughts as we’ve traveled the sometimes smooth, sometimes bumpy road of pregnancy after loss. Recently, I mentioned to a friend that I had a lot to say about this journey – but not really enough on any one subject to create a blog post. She suggested that I publish a miniseries, so that’s what I’m going to do. Over the next few weeks, I’ll be posting shorter (but more frequent) blog posts on a variety of pregnancy after loss topics.
I’ve already shared how triggering other people’s baby showers were soon after Brady passed away (here if you want a refresher or didn’t catch it the first time around), but now that I’m pregnant again, another variation has come up. My own baby shower.
I’m not planning on doing anything prior to this little guy’s arrival this time around. I know it probably sounds pessimistic to those who haven’t experienced a loss. Like I’m not celebrating with or connecting with this baby, but that’s not the case. I’m very comfortable celebrating with those who have the shared experience of infant loss and understand the complicated emotions that go along with pregnancy after loss. Jeff and I talk about Baby Schmitz #2 and how excited we are to meet him (not too soon) daily.
Baby showers are different though. While I think that most people understand that this pregnancy is different and comes with unique challenges, there’s another camp that is just way too excited, is blissfully ignorant about the possibility of things going wrong, or employs blind faith as their main coping mechanism. And then there’s always those few fringe people who are not fully informed on the situation, you know, those distant relatives that somehow NEED to be invited even though you’re not even sure they know your name. Interacting with those folks is painful, even in ideal shower situations, but throw a pregnancy after loss into the mix and it becomes unbearable. These groups are the reasons why I just can’t do it.
This is usually the point in my argument where people say “but, you get really nice gifts at showers.” Is that really why some people have baby showers? For free stuff? Silly me, I thought it was about celebrating a new little one. And I’m already doing that, even without a party.
I’ve left the door open for some sort of meet and greet (or a “sip and see” as I hear they’re called) after this little guy arrives, but we’ll see how I feel when that time comes. Having another preemie or cold and flu season would certainly put a damper on whether I want a bunch of people breathing their nasty germs all over him 😉
