Pregnancy · Pregnancy After Loss Miniseries

Pregnancy After Loss Miniseries: Viability

It’s been a little while since I published a post on here, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t had plenty of thoughts as we’ve traveled the sometimes smooth, sometimes bumpy road of pregnancy after loss.  Recently, I mentioned to a friend that I had a lot to say about this journey – but not really enough on any one subject to create a blog post.  She suggested that I publish a miniseries, so that’s what I’m going to do.  Over the next few weeks, I’ll be posting shorter (but more frequent) blog posts on a variety of pregnancy after loss topics.  First up, viability:

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Pregnancy

The Anatomy Scan

The anatomy scan has been one of the largest sources of anxiety for me this pregnancy.  As I’ve mentioned before, to most people this is just the “gender ultrasound”, but there was a lot more hinging on this ultrasound than just that for us.   There’s a lot of important measurements taken, and for us, this was our first glimpse at whether this baby was growth-restricted or not (at least at this point).

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Pregnancy

18 Weeks and a HELLP Scare

Over the past week, I’ve been dealing with some upper right quadrant pain.  If you’ve had preeclampsia or HELLP syndrome, you know that upper right quadrant pain is a hallmark of the disease.  If you have preeclampsia, you’re constantly being asked about your upper right quadrant, as that will often indicate an escalation to HELLP.  I made another call to the nurse line, and since I was at a stage where HELLP would’ve been really rare, they suggested alternatives – watching my fat intake (if it was my gallbladder) and trying Zantac (if it was indigestion).  The Zantac did help some other symptoms I’d been having, but the upper right quadrant pain wouldn’t go away.  I called back today, and, due to my medical history, they were able to get me in to the doctor within the hour.  I am so grateful for a care team that takes my concerns seriously.

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Pregnancy

A Call Log After Loss

Pregnancy after loss is a trip.  If you haven’t been there, you probably don’t get the mental acrobatics that I go through on a daily basis.  Today, I’m offering a glimpse into this mental state via a list of reasons I’ve called the nurse line, on-call OB, or sent a medical message during my first 16 weeks of pregnancy.

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Life After Loss · Pregnancy

14 Week Review

If you’re friends with me on Facebook, or follow me on Instagram, you already know that we’re expecting baby #2 this fall.  I’ve been pretty quiet about it, and it feels good to now be at a point where I’m comfortable enough to talk about it.  Emphasis on enough.  As of yesterday, we crossed the 14 week mark, and I want to catch you all up on these first few weeks.  I know the blog post title is a bit inaccurate.  It’s really a review of our first 11 weeks, since we found out we were expecting at 3+1.  Yeah, I know, that’s early, but if you know me at all, you know I am that kind of person.

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Life After Loss

5 Things I’ve Learned

I’ve spent a year in the trenches as a loss mom.  In that year, I’ve learned a lot about how to navigate this difficult course, as I’ve had successful (and not so successful) interactions with others.  I started this list a while ago, and slowly added on to it throughout the year.  Some of them are for loss parents, some are for the general public that interacts with loss parents, and some are for both.

Anyway, here’s my collection of 5 things I’ve learned in my first year as a loss mom:

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Life After Loss · Pregnancy

The Trauma of HELLP

I’ve spent a lot of time over the past 10 months processing the trauma of losing Brady.  Weekly appointments with a therapist, grief support groups, grief hours, journaling, and, of course, blogging.  Losing a child is a horrific, unnatural kind of loss.  Even if I you haven’t experienced it yourself, I probably don’t have to tell you this.  What I have started to realize is that I haven’t scratched the surface of processing some of the other traumas I’ve experienced.  The fact that a significant date is looming, less than 2 months away, is making this all the more clear.

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Brady John · Life After Loss

28 or 29?

The answer ended up being 28, and it wasn’t even close.  Because Brady’s due date and my birthday were so close together, we wondered how old I would be when I became a mom. Continue reading “28 or 29?”

Brady John

Special Onesies

The first piece of clothing we bought Brady John was a onesie to help us announce his upcoming arrival.  At the time that we ordered it, we didn’t know that Brady was a boy, so I ordered a cheery yellow-striped onesie and figured it would work whether we had a boy or a girl.  We chose “Schmitz Just Got Real” as a funny play on words.  When you have a child, shit does get real and we thought this was a fun way to share that things would never be the same as they were before.

We drove over to my mom’s house in order for her to take the picture that I would post on Facebook to announce my pregnancy.  Jeff and I planned that I would look super excited in the photo, and he would put on his best nervous face.  I think we did pretty well.

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Life After Loss

Ugh, Baby Showers

You’ve already heard my thoughts on pregnancy announcements here, and now I think it’s time to discuss another, somewhat related, trigger.  The dreaded baby shower.  Keep in mind, I’ve never been a huge fan of showers… but I have also not dreaded them until now.

I think some of these situations happen because we’re into the 5th month since Brady passed away.  Those peripheral people in my life have started to forget that I experienced a loss.

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