It’s been a hectic couple of weeks, and Christmas has come and gone. It was actually not as bad as I thought it would be. It seems the anticipation of how bad it was going to be might have surpassed how bad it actually was. At least I didn’t get myself as worked up about Christmas as I did about Thanksgiving. That’s not saying it didn’t suck, knowing that we should be celebrating in a totally different way with an adorable little man. I’ve tried consciously to fixate less on the “shoulds” and instead focus on our reality. That helped me get through those couple tough days.
I used to be fairly extroverted. Social interactions never caused me much anxiety, and I looked forward to meeting new people, learning about others, and just conversing. Since losing Brady, that all has changed. I had never experienced social anxiety, and now I do.
My therapist has suggested that I might be more of an ambivert now – not an introvert or an extrovert, but an individual with a balance of both features. I certainly don’t always want to withdraw, but I don’t want to be around people all the time, either.