The End is Near

This week marks 36 weeks.  10 more weeks than Brady got on the inside.  By the way this not-so-little guy jabs at me and stretches, I get the impression that he’s not pleased with his lodging arrangements.  He doesn’t know how lucky he is!  One of my favorite things is when Jeff keeps telling him that we’re “coming to get him” in a week.  I think we’ll both be relieved to have our own space in the very near future!

While being pregnant isn’t physically all that fun in general, it’s gotten much worse in the past week or so.  I’m achy, puffy, and exhausted, and super, super grateful to still be pregnant.  I finally decided to give up working out after I landed myself in triage last weekend with high blood pressure readings and extreme swelling.  I’m glad I’ve been able to stay active for most of this pregnancy, but my poor swollen feet can’t handle it anymore.  Thankfully, my labs all looked good at the hospital and I was able to get released within a few hours.  Our goal is finally within sight, so we continue to cross our fingers that we’ll make it to our scheduled date next week.

Lately, I’ve had a rush of memories of my first c-section with Brady and remembered how unpleasant major abdominal surgery is.  It’s funny how our brains seem to have a defense mechanism built in that prevents us from remembering how awful certain situations are until we’re headed for that situation with no way to turn back.  I had my last OB appointment yesterday and was able to talk through all the details of our delivery with my doctor, which helped bring my anxiety back to a manageable level.  She also applauded the fact that we decided not to allow visitors to the hospital on the day Baby 2 is born, which made me feel especially confident in our decision.

I know I will continue to have to work through some anxiety, even after the little guy arrives and is safe in our arms.  Today, for example, I’ve been obsessing about the Tdap booster shot.  We asked close family and friends (the ones that will visit shortly after he’s born) to get the shot, but there’s no way  to verify whether they actually have.  While I’d like to request that each person furnish a copy of their vaccination record before holding the baby, even I can acknowledge that’s a little extreme.  I know I am going to need to learn to relax a little on these things, but it’s really hard to do so when your first son died from an infection and you would do anything to prevent your second son from getting sick.

As I near the end of our second pregnancy, it’s hard not to be a little bit sad.  I’m not talking about nostalgia or wishing for a few more weeks (because… I definitely don’t).  Instead, it’s that I’ve had to acknowledge that Jeff and I both envisioned our family with two children.  Had everything gone the way we expected, we would almost be done having children and our family would be nearing completion.  We’ll have our two children within a week, but I’ve had to grapple with the fact that our family will never be complete because Brady isn’t here with us.  I know that people will start asking about our future plans for our family soon, but we’re not ready to make those decisions.

For now, I’ll leave you with a picture from last week’s ultrasound.  The little guy finally moved his hands away from his face and allowed us to get a couple of good 3D images.  The eyes are a little freaky, but his nose and lips are so perfect.  I especially love these two photos because he looks so peaceful and happy in the top one and is definitely sporting a bitchy resting face (he got it from his mama) in the second one.  We can’t wait to see this cute face in person!