I thought it had been a while since I wrote the last time I wrote, but now, it’s been much, much longer. Connor was a just little at the time (5 months?) and I thought that life would get less busy when Connor was a bit older. I was wrong. Just like grief is always there, the busyness of having a living child is always there, both just change over time.
Continue reading “Three”Tag: grief
A Reflection on the Month of Brady
It’s been a while, again, since I wrote – and as I write this, we’ve officially made it through our second month of Brady. January is all about Brady John. It’s the month he was born and the month he passed away. The latter being a date that we don’t like to acknowledge. I’ll share more on that later.
The End is Near
This week marks 36 weeks. 10 more weeks than Brady got on the inside. By the way this not-so-little guy jabs at me and stretches, I get the impression that he’s not pleased with his lodging arrangements. He doesn’t know how lucky he is! One of my favorite things is when Jeff keeps telling him that we’re “coming to get him” in a week. I think we’ll both be relieved to have our own space in the very near future!
While being pregnant isn’t physically all that fun in general, it’s gotten much worse in the past week or so. I’m achy, puffy, and exhausted, and super, super grateful to still be pregnant. I finally decided to give up working out after I landed myself in triage last weekend with high blood pressure readings and extreme swelling. I’m glad I’ve been able to stay active for most of this pregnancy, but my poor swollen feet can’t handle it anymore. Thankfully, my labs all looked good at the hospital and I was able to get released within a few hours. Our goal is finally within sight, so we continue to cross our fingers that we’ll make it to our scheduled date next week.
Worrying Does Nothing
Growing up, as a young adult, and as a not-so-young adult, I worried. Conscious or not, I was constantly thinking about, or preparing for, the worst case scenario. Worrying and planning has its place, like if you’re ever stranded on a desert island and your very continued existence depends on it. Otherwise, worrying really doesn’t do much, except maybe ruin an otherwise fun life. Let me explain.
Option B: A Grief Book Review
Option B has sat on my nightstand for 6 months. It’s been my “next to read” book for approximately that same amount of time. I’m just not a huge reader anymore, but I’m really trying to be better about that. Reading more will (at the very least) make me feel a bit better about my out-of-control TV habit.
I wanted to read Option B to expand my understanding of my grief experience. While the author lost her husband, not a child, I heard that it was still really relatable from one of my loss mom friends. What I learned while reading it is that anyone could benefit from reading this book, even if you’re not in the throes of complex grief yourself. In fact, I’d actually especially recommend it if you aren’t. My experience has been that a lot of people absolutely do not know how to interact with someone who is experiencing complex grief, and this book is a perfect little toolkit to help folks understand what’s happening and what they should do.
5 Things I’ve Learned
I’ve spent a year in the trenches as a loss mom. In that year, I’ve learned a lot about how to navigate this difficult course, as I’ve had successful (and not so successful) interactions with others. I started this list a while ago, and slowly added on to it throughout the year. Some of them are for loss parents, some are for the general public that interacts with loss parents, and some are for both.
Anyway, here’s my collection of 5 things I’ve learned in my first year as a loss mom:
365 Days
It’s been a whole 365 days since Brady was here.
A year passed, and we made it through all the firsts. In some ways, it feels like a new chapter opened today. I no longer have to anticipate the unknown of any holiday or anniversary. I’ve been through one of them already. I learned that sometimes the anticipation of the date or holiday was worse than the actual day. Of course, there were plenty of days that were unexpectedly hard too. Moving into the second year, I know it doesn’t mean that I’ll react the same with each holiday or anniversary as I did with the first one. There is some relief in knowing that I made it through this one horrible year. And if I can make it through that, I can make it through anything.
Happy 1st Birthday, Brady John!
Up until the morning of Sunday, January 14th, I had every intention of celebrating Brady’s first birthday that day. Though he was born on the 15th, I figured that had he lived to see his first birthday, Sunday would’ve been the day we had people over to celebrate. I doubt we would have had great turnout for a party on a Monday night. However, when we woke up that day, we decided we’d rather visit and celebrate on his actual birthday.
The Month of Brady
January is here and I am now fully engulfed in what I am unofficially calling “the month of Brady”. Brady was born and died last January, so there are a lot of contrasting emotions wrapped up into this one month. January 2017 was both the happiest and saddest month of my life. I went into the new year last year oblivious to what was about to happen. The only thing significant about January was supposed to be our move to our new house. You all know how that went (and if you don’t, check this and this out).
The Schmitz Family and Other Holiday Phenomena
It’s been a hectic couple of weeks, and Christmas has come and gone. It was actually not as bad as I thought it would be. It seems the anticipation of how bad it was going to be might have surpassed how bad it actually was. At least I didn’t get myself as worked up about Christmas as I did about Thanksgiving. That’s not saying it didn’t suck, knowing that we should be celebrating in a totally different way with an adorable little man. I’ve tried consciously to fixate less on the “shoulds” and instead focus on our reality. That helped me get through those couple tough days.
Continue reading “The Schmitz Family and Other Holiday Phenomena”