Tag: loss

Life After Loss

Why I’m Giving Myself Grace in my Fitness Journey

Becca Schmitz4 Comments

It’s been over 5 months and I’m still up 10 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight, and 20 pounds up from my wedding weight.  (Holla for gaining a whopping 10 pounds on our honeymoon!)  I always thought I would be the one that was back to her pre-baby body no more than 3 months postpartum.  In all honesty, I used to judge women who “let themselves go” after having a baby.  Didn’t they care about their health?  My experiences over the past few months have given me a new understanding of life, and my ability to judge so freely is now almost nonexistent.  My experience has shown me what motherhood truly is.  I think the root is that we all desire to do right by our children, and we can do that in a huge variety of ways.  What works best for one, might not work for another, and that’s okay.

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Brady John · Life After Loss

The Dream

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The day Brady passed away, my parents and sister came over to see me and Jeff.  I know that Jeff and I did not want any visitors, but it was one of those times where they said they were coming over and we knew there would be no way to stop it.

I can’t remember much of what was said, as I was in some serious shock, but I do remember my dad telling us a story of a dream he had right after his mom passed away.  He and his mom were very close, and my dad was heartbroken when she suddenly passed.  Shortly after she’d passed, my grandmother came to him in a dream and embraced him.  He asked her to come back and she said she couldn’t and that she was where she needed to be.  The dream was so vivid that my dad could actually physically feel her embrace.

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Brady John

What’s in a Name?

Becca Schmitz2 Comments

It dawned on me last night, as I listened to a friend talk about how they chose their baby’s name on a podcast, that I hadn’t shared how we came up with Brady John’s name.  I even looked back at my earlier blog posts to make sure.  There’s a brief mention of why we chose John, but otherwise, nothing.  Like most stories, there are two sides.  In this case, I’ll share mine and my husband’s.

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Brady John · Life After Loss

To the Person Who Doesn’t Know What Happened to My Son

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To the person who doesn’t know what happened to my son,

You didn’t just make the worst mistake by asking me how he is or how he’s doing. I know you think you did. This has happened before, many times. This isn’t the first time, and it won’t be the last time. And trust me, it is far from the worst thing you could have said. The worst thing you could have said is nothing. Think about it, tons of people know what happened to my son and won’t ask about him. You, on the other hand, care enough to ask about the most important little person in my life. You looked at me and thought, “Ah, it’s been a while, the little man must be here!” I know my answer wasn’t what you were expecting, but I’m not mad you asked.

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Brady John · Life After Loss

Brady John: The Beep

Becca Schmitz4 Comments

This story is of the first time Brady showed himself to us after he left our earthly world.  It happened in the early morning hours after he had passed away.  Jeff and I had spent a few hours at the hospital with Brady, and then had made the drive home.  I don’t remember it at all.

When we arrived at home, it was still very early in the morning.  Probably sometime between 4 and 5 AM.  We knew we needed to call our families, but we weren’t quite ready and it was just really early still.  We decided to try to get some sleep.  If you’ve ever been in this situation, you know sleep is near impossible.  We had only slept for maybe an hour and a half before we were called into the hospital, so our bodies and minds were exhausted.

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