Worrying Does Nothing

Growing up, as a young adult, and as a not-so-young adult, I worried.  Conscious or not, I was constantly thinking about, or preparing for, the worst case scenario.  Worrying and planning has its place, like if you’re ever stranded on a desert island and your very continued existence depends on it.  Otherwise, worrying really doesn’t do much, except maybe ruin an otherwise fun life.  Let me explain.

In week 20 of my pregnancy, we learned Brady was small.  Really small.  Off-the-charts small. I know a lot of people use the term ‘literally’ incorrectly, but our little man was literally less than first percentile.  Of course, I’d had regular pregnancy worries before that point, but this really launched me into full-scale worry-and-panic mode.  I sustained the worry-and-panic mode for the next 9 weeks.

What was I worried about?  Well, the ultimate worst case scenario would obviously be our son dying.  And what happened?  Oh… the worst thing possible.  It’s an extreme example, and very infrequently does the actual worst case scenario play out.  Lucky for most people.  Worrying did absolutely nothing to prevent the worst thing ever from happening to us, so now I choose to not live that way.

Yes, it’s a choice!  We aren’t necessarily in control of everything that happens in our lives, but we are totally in control of how we respond to the things that happen in our lives.  I’m not perfect, and worry does still set in from time to time.  But now, I make a conscious choice when I start to feel that worry set in.  I ask myself “Does worrying have the potential to change the outcome of this situation?”  Far more frequently than not, the answer to that is “no”, which means it’s time to dismiss the worry and move on.

I won’t say I’ve completed ditched the Type A personality that I cultivated for the first 28 years of my life.  I’m still one of the most impatient people I know, and that’s not changing.  What I will say is that I’ve drifted a bit closer to the Type B end of the spectrum.  I don’t think I realized how relaxed I’d become until my therapist referred to me as one of her least anxious clients.  I immediately protested, mostly because I live with Jeff.  Some of you don’t know Jeff, but believe me, he’s one of the most chill people you’ll ever met.  After she acknowledged Jeff’s extreme (and awesome) chillness, it was much easier for me to self-reflect and see the progress I’ve made over the past year.

Early on in therapy, I’d wondered if I’d ever go back to who I was before.  I’m now recognizing something that my therapist said happened to her – I’m not the same person I used to be, but I am a better version of who I used to be.

(On a side note, she’s the best and I am super sad that she’s leaving in a couple of months… but… that firmly falls into the pile of ‘things I can’t control’ so I’m rolling with it.)